Be a man

https://youtu.be/ZSS5dEeMX64

Society is and has always been trying to define masculinity for us. We're taught from birth that boys wear blue and play with trucks and that never ever should they cry. Boys should be strong, athletic, and "swift as a coursing river". Movies like She's a Man, Mulan, and even High School Musical touch on the ideals of masculinity and the struggles of maintaining gender stereotypes in every kind of situation. The theme can be seen across the board in books, movies, songs, and conversation.

Drown by Junor Diaz also attempts to define masculinity multiple times through the collection. Starting with the first story, "Ysrael", we see Rafa calling Yunior a pussy because he starts crying. Yunior has just been molested on the bus and is shocked, confused, upset, and scared. Yunior apologies for crying and Rafa responds by asking what's wrong with him and by threatening him- "if you can't stop crying, I'll leave you" (13). Later in the story Rafa goes further by saying, "you have to get tougher. Crying all the time. Do you think our papi's crying? Do you think that's what he's been doing the last six years?" (14). Yunior and Rafa have had to live without their father for the past six years and in the mean time Rafa has created his own definition of masculinity, which has been influenced by society. He believes in the alpha-male mentality and that influences how Rafa and Yunior treat Ysrael.

In "Fiesta, 1980" we see interactions between Yunior and his father. Yunior is older than in the first story, but we see that he is still not as "strong" as Rafa. It seems like Yunior's father is extremely frustrated by this and addresses his frustrations by trying to force Yunior to be more manly. He hates that Yunior vomits everytime they get in a car and he takes Yunior on drives, in an attempt to condition him not to vomit anymore. The father "jammed his finger into (Yunior's) cheek" and Yunior writes an essay at school titled "My father is a torturer" (30). We also sees that the father is having an affair, which probably confuses Yunior about the role of a husband.

In the title story "Drown", Yunior is molested again, this time by his good friend and mentor figure, Beto. The first time it happens, Yunior is "terrified" and is torn between wanting to hide from Beto but simultaneously wanting to hangout with him because he was his best friend. After that night, it happens again and then soon after Beto leaves for college. Yunior stays in his hometown, potentially to protect his mother/feel wanted and secure by being with her, which makes it seem like to Yunior, protecting women is important. But Yunior is not confident enough to decide whether he wants to confront/see Beto when he comes back for break or continue to ignore him. This causes him much anxiety and stress and he tries to both run into and ignore Beto. Yunior can't decide if a man should be forgiving and loyal or stand up for himself and cut people off.

These three stories are not the only ones in the collection that address the theme of masculinity. In fact I think each and every story in this collection contains elements of the theme from "How to date a Browngirl, Blackgirl, Whitegirl, or Halfie to "Negocios". I just chose to focus on the stories that stood out to me most and had clear depictions of masculinity or the struggles with abiding to the social norms of masculinity. Please chime in with other examples where masculinity pops up in Drown!

How to live with regret: Please don't

The power of a second person narrator has been a topic of much discussion as we have gone through Lorrie Moore's Self Help. Some have argued that it makes you more sympathetic to the characters and helps you understand them, while others feel indifferent or that the sympathy can be accredited to other aspects of the storytelling. In any case, the trend of her "how-to" stories read to me as dry, sarcastic stories of how the narrator ended up in situations with underlying messages of 1) haha this isn't ideal but at least I can laugh about it and 2) this could be any of you readers as well. It's almost like they were written for two audiences- readers who are probably quick to judge mistresses or breaking up with someone who has health problems, but also for the author/narrator to backtrack and remember how they found themselves in a predicament.

How to talk to your mother (notes) is a different playing field. While there is a hint of classic Lorrie Moore's dry humor, that isn't the overall tone of the story. In fact, I would go so far as to say that this story is filled with lots of regret. From the beginning (or end, depending on how you think of it) of the story, the narrator doesn't have a choice. The story has already taken place and there are no decisions to make... instead everything has happened and the only "how to" is for the readers. She can't revive her mother and start with a clean slate in the same way that the "other woman" can break up with the married man and move on in life. Instead, the only thing she can hope to get out of this story is that someone else would read her story, realize her regret, and choose to live their life differently as a result. In essence, it's more of a how-NOT-to story.

Another trademark Lorrie Moore storytelling trait is that she includes many little subplots or repeated phrases that show up throughout the story. In How to be an other woman there were lists and in How there were tests. In How to talk to your mother, the theme of pregnancy is strung throughout the entire story from the narrator's own birth to her multiple pregnancies and subsequent abortions. Does anybody have any inferences on why she would mention those? Someone pointed out in class that she's talking about how to talk to your mother but then intentionally doesn't become a mother. I've tried to mull through this but I can't come up with any logical conclusions. Maybe she doesn't realize the importance of mothers until it's too late?